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I have been getting a lot of emails concerning my description of weather in North Dakota, and it is to my chagrin that you guys have reminded me that there is another person in our family who is also facing the harsh reality of forced acclimation to a new climate- our puppy! In fact, even though he is a delicate English gentledog, he has the heartiness of his ancestors and has kept a stiff upper lip in the face of the meanest adversity. But it has been tough for him, considering he has the most unpleasant toilet that anyone can imagine!

Now Winston is no stranger to snow- we did get a bit the winter we got him: and he enjoyed frolicking on Port Meadow in the quarter inch of snow that we received. The temperatures never got to far below 0 degrees Celsius, and I would say the snow fall was all around idyllic! When snow first started falling here, he was a bit bemused, and was interested in it, and liked to play in it- but when the temperatures kept falling, he started getting less and less interested in going outside! In fact, now we can get him in and out without us even managing to get on the porch, he is so quick! He shoots down the stairs, takes care of his business and is back at the door as quick as a wink. Interested in walks? No way! He much prefers tearing around the house with Annie, and cuddling on the couch or sitting on top of the heat vents in the bathroom or in the dining room!

He has in fact, managed to perfect his crazy dance- this is the dance that happens when the wind blows under his tail. I have mentioned that the wind here is pretty malevolent- and as proof, even the dogs can feel it! Winston tries to keep his tail down, but there is one occasion on which he must be outside with his tail up… Needless to say if the wind blows hard on his behind, he takes off, doing this crazy greyhound run in circles that is as pitiful as it is amusing. The result is that we have to coerce him to poop as he is afraid of a very refreshing breeze…

But Winston is adapting. He can stand on two legs and then switch them quickly so as to not have all his paws freezing to the ground at once. He has learned not to lick metal outside (he has a nice scar on his nose from that incident), and he always comes when he is called, less the door be closed when he shows up.

Things are looking up for him, however! This weekend the temperature went above freezing (a whole 38 degrees!) and Winston was out running in the melting snow, investigating the scents he could now smell and thinking that he might have to start being walked again. We got out his red ball as a warm weather treat, and he even dived right into a snow drift to get it (he needed an hour on the heat vent to get over that, but he was thrilled to see his red ball for the first time this winter!) Unfortunately this week in went back into the negatives, and the wind is worse than ever- sorry buddy, we’ll have to wait until March for that walk!

It seems that every time I tell anyone outside the frigid tundra that I live in what is going on with the weather- I often get an exasperated sigh of disbelief and feigned sympathy. Well I am hoping that I can change that with today’s blog post and hopefully expiate how the weather here affects you in everyday life, and when I tell you that I don’t think I could survive another winter in North Dakota- you will literally believe that I may actually die if I spend next January in this state! Now I know you all believe its bad, and you have heard stories from me, but I just wanted to share with you how truly cold it really is:

First, lets talk temperatures. Today’s high is 5 below 0, Fahrenheit. Now -5 doesn’t really sound so bad, does it? Actually it doesn’t really sound that bad to me right now either! However, that is just the high, and a high in the sun at that! Consider this- when I got up this morning and left the house at 530 am- it was dark outside and -17 degrees, right now it is -15 degrees at 930 am. So that -5 degree high? Well that may only be for an hour or so at 1 pm! Last week we were talking about -20 degree highs, at night it was closer to -40! But how cold is -15 degrees? Surely it is livable? Consider the time you guys have spent in 20 degree weather- that was bitterly cold and you had to bundle up, now consider the temperature at 32 degrees when it is just starting to freeze. That 12 degree difference feels like a lot right? Well it is exponentially different, so -15 degrees while only 35 degrees colder than 20 degrees, is about four times colder! To put that in perspective, think about the difference between 50 degrees and 85 degrees.

But that isn’t the only problem, in fact I could handle -5 degrees, or even -20 degrees even though I am from below the Mason-Dixon Line. Far worse is the wind- the wind is literally what will kill you. The wind chill today is -40 degrees! The wind blows at roughly 20-30 MPH, and it feels like ice daggers are going through you. Worse still it blows snow (there is about 2.5 feet of snow on the ground right now) in your face, across the roads, and it looks like you are on stage with a fog machine- think about driving through it, you cant even see the road! Not only that, but there are ditches on both sides of the road, that should you go into, you’ll be buried and might not come out! The wind is evil here- it is malevolent and you see it as something horrible that you just cannot avoid. Even when I pump gas, the time out in the wind at the gas station leaves me shaking so hard that once I get back into the truck, I have to sit there for five or ten minutes to warm up!

My truck is like a parachute and I am constantly being blown across the road. I drive 75 miles one way, and it is a hard stressful drive with the wind, not being able to see the road, and the icy conditions. But it is made worse by the wind. The wind blows so hard that it literally blows through the door of my truck. If you licked my window, your tongue would probably stick to the glass! The effect is that I have to keep the heat on full blast and the left side of my body is freezing cold, and the right is sweating- not pleasant!

In the summer my truck used to get 19 MPG, now it gets less than 15- that’s how cold it is!

I probably should give a shout out to Tim and Matagi who are probably reading this and laughing right now- they have lived here all their lives- and everyone should be highly impressed with their ability to handle the elements and not go crazy.

Other things the cold does: It is so cold the inside of your nose freezes; we are at skin freezing temperatures right now. Water in the air freezes also- so those rainbows you are seeing? Those aren’t classical rainbows; the prisms aren’t water in the air- its ice! Rainbows here completely circle the sun since its so cold and are called sun dogs

Speaking of ice- the most horrible thing happened to me the other day. There is a pedestrian walkway going between buildings here, and the sun was shining on it perfectly through two buildings. That coupled with the fact that the walkway was heated meant that the snow was melting where the sun was shining. Worse still was the fact that it was -33 degrees out that day: so the melted snow was instantly freezing, and was forming long thin icicles. I had the great misfortune of walking underneath that bridge and getting hit in the head with a drop of death water- it was so cold my head felt like it was burning. I reached up to rub it out and grabbed ice! I had no idea what to do, I just stood there in horror for what felt like an eternity. I think I will never get over that!

Then there is the perennial discussion of long underwear- wear it and you are a little happier outside. But once you get inside, you are sweating in your knickers and that isn’t pleasant at all! Then when you go back outside, the sweat freezes- and frozen privates are something no one should ever experience. (I once dropped my shorts in the shower at the gym and I had to put them on wet- it was a horrible experience. I wear so many clothes it takes me 10 minutes to dress and undress at my office!

Hopefully this puts into perspective my misfortune at my placement this winter. In fact, this winter is the worst winter since 69 if you don’t include the blizzards of 96-97. I have been truly North Dakotaized- and not only that; I have a renewed respect for my wife, and a greater understanding of the way she thinks. Truly, living through a winter here builds character (even if it has only made me more of a character!)