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I am not a big fan of my mother right now…

Read my last post for better reading:

I have a rockstar dog diet. Mom and dad might think I am a picky eater- but in reality, I am watching my figure because I am a celebrity, we have to do that sort of stuff! Between runs with mom, wrestling with dad, and learning to catch things in mid-air, I have the exercise program that Tom Chaplain* could only dream of having.

Combine that with my awesome Lindsay Lohan diet- pate, treats, and dog food only at nights, with some puking- I am truly cutting a fine figure recently. Seriously, I am getting strong, and my muscles are nice and defined, now that is what I am talking about!

Dad and mom might be concerned that I don’t eat a whole lot, but I think the ladies are noticing. Yesterday I had a lady whippet check me out with much interest, and today I had a tussle with a lady jack russel! Not bad at all.

Well, now I deign to go downstairs and eat some cesars dog food…. so catch you all later!

Well, I wrote in my last blog about the halloween party, and how everyone dressed up and dancing was so distressing, in my next blog, I’ll give out some honorable mentions for creepiness when smelled. But we did much more this October than just have that party.

Mom is determined to dress me up in this dogzilla outfit every time she sees me. And to tell you the truth, I kind of like it! I’ll stare at it whining until mom puts it on. But as soon as its on, I am chasing my newer more chew-friendly tail and trying to get the thing off. Mom successfully distracted me into wearing it without incident for 20 minutes once, and because of that she thinks she is going to buy me a raincoat and a hoodie. I started to object, then I realized: I live in England, those things can only be good. Plus I see other dogs with those clothing items all the time! With a raincoat at least, I can be less afraid of taking walks to the meadow with dad!

The above is my Charlie Brown shot. I would have included it in the last blog, but I forgot. Needless to say, they thought at the party since I didn’t have a costume, I could be a mummy. You can see how long that lasted!

Well at least everything at Halloween wasn’t that scary. Check out that pumpkin behind me… really Paul? An earnest pumpkin? I wouldn’t have been scared of that thing if could levitate and spew fire! I mean, I am scarier than that.

Thats right, its creepy McWinston time! I mean, check it out, what the heck is that? I was especially bothered, because it smelled like dad, it sounded like dad, but it didn’t look anything at all like dad! I started freaking out, jumping around, and barking my head off at the thing that ate dad’s head. Too creepy for this puppy. Dad did eventually lift the lid and show me he was still inside, and I calmed down a little, but still… after watching a season’s worth of Dr. Who- you just never know, and you have to be careful in England (Think 28 days later…)

As you can see from the beverage, there was a party going on, and everything was going great! I was very happy and calm as people came to my house wearing costumes, and generally being weird, but I was very polite, and I didn’t jump and I just hung out trying to get attention, which I did occasionally, there were even trick or treaters! At one point, dad passed the bowl of caramel apple lollies underneath my nose, and without even moving my body, I managed to get one! They didn’t even notice until Dad put me down. They chased me around, which was an awesome game, but they did get the candy from me, which was a bummer.

Then the construction worker girls came… nuff said! I went and hid outside with mom, who was a little pissed that things got loud. But what can you do? My mom’s friends like to party!

YAWN! (I am stretching- doggy style), I have just climbed out of a nice warm bed, under the covers next to mum and dad’s feet, and I thought I would put up a post this morning before dad gets in the shower. I have to say, I protest at this treatement of me- dad’s post yesterday was fragarent libel- I mean who doesn’t prefer cushions to your towel kennel?

Anyway, life isn’t all easy for this dog. A couple weeks ago, some mysterious spots appeared on my face, shown in the above picture. (See, this proves I am not a celebrity dog, because I don’t care that these pictures are online!) You may not be able to tell from the picture, but those spots are perfectly round, tiny little bald spots on my face! (Or maybe it makes me more of a celebrity because all of the famouse ones have their nasty pictures all over the place, in magazines, etc.)

Dad thought it was pimples, but it isn’t! I don’t know what the heck it is! Other theories are that I got burned with a splattered liquid- when dad is cooking, I usually sit on the kitchen rug to try to get food from him, or that gunk from my eyes dried up on my fur there and when I scratched it out, I pulled out the hair.

Personally, I think tiny flea sized aliens are making crop circles…

Well, the hair is growing back, but its white for now, hopefully it turns black again! I have to have the amazing photos to, not just the nasty ones, or I’ll just be like Brittany Spears!

Woof!

Yesterday, Dad and Mom were having a reading/studying day because it was absolutely pouring outside. I won’t go outside in the rain- I know I am English, but I just don’t like to get wet, and since I am a luxury dog I just won’t do it. I hold it until I am so full I just puke in the morning. (I am sure mom’s blog will have something to say about that!).

 

Anyway, Mom was complaining that she and Dad were not together enough because their offices were seperate so when Dad is on the computer he is “boring”. I quite agree, when he is on the computer he barely places with me- sure he’ll toss my ball for me and pet me if I come under the desk, but seriously, I need 100% attention, and I just wasn’t getting it!

 

Since Mom was working on her French too- Dad sugessted they would be less boring if she came into the library (Dad’s office), but mom complained that she didn’t have a place to sit. She and Dad went online to see if they could find a chair from Ikea or something- but no luck. They blame the Brittish- apperently we like to pay way too much money for cheap furniture! (Something about it wasn’t tea that made us rebel, it was pricey balsa…”). Then Dad had a masterstroke. While mom was brooding in her office, he went downstairs and collected the chair cushions, and pillows, and brought them upstairs, and covered them with his red blanket, making a little reading spot next to the radiator and under the window!

 

Brilliant! I said, but was immediatly told off when I jumped onto the throne. Mom then came in and was plesantly suprised and did French on her chair, while I had to sit on my own blue, puffy, crappy papasan chair… ugh!

 

Then mom went to get lunch, and YOINKS! The throne was mine! You can see me above on my throne with my french books, muwhahaha! Anyway, I am the king of this house, so I should get a throne, not some measely papasan chair. You would think that the way my parents act- they were spoiling me! I mean, its not like I sleep on their pillows in bed, I have to sleep at the bottom of the bed!

 

So now, when Mom is not on the throne, its mine…

 

Woof!

Today was tootbrushing day! Normally I get a denta-bone or something of that sort to brush my teeth with- but apperently the Vet thought that was the weak way to do it, and managed to convince mom to buy some expensive chicken-flavored (delicious) toothpaste that was vet approved! Dad got me a Spongebob Squarepants toothbrush, and today we brushed my teeth!

I didn’t really know what was in store for me, because I have never done this before- and it didn’t help that Dad and I were dog-wrestling before we did the brushing, so I think I was more aggressive than I could have been- but the chicken toothpate was so good that I couldn’t resist, I finally gave up trying to kill Spongebob and let dad brush. Unfortunately the damage was already done…

The Fourth of July was yesterday, and my colonist parents of course put up a serious rukus- but not as much of a rukus as I managed to put up! It was a good day all in all, especially because they took me to the Merton Sports Grounds with them for an American Style BBQ and Fireworks, but most importantly- American style football!

I was let off the lead to roam around, and in order to impress my parents, I didn’t go to crazy on the many people that were there, I just ran around wagging my tail at some, and jumping on those that said hi to me, gave them a lick and moved on. I stayed pretty close by, although, this one time I followed this bearded guy around the back of the building and mom had to chase me down… Needless to say, the guys started a game of pick up football, and that is when I really learned to love Cornwallis’ folly.

I would run around between the players following the ball. As soon as one of them dropped it, I was off like a rocket with it! Five grown men hot on my heels- and I love the attention. I managed to get my tooth stuck in one of the laces by accident, and those guys aren’t exactly gentle (my dad had to come in and defend me at one point, I may look like a big dog, but I am just a puppy!) but I’m ok, because it was so awesome. I made the brand new football look like a worn and ratted old thing! So much fun! I even got some meat from the BBQ.

Later on I was chauffered home so that I could sleep off the excitement, it was too much for a puppy to handle! I heard that my parents stayed and set off fireworks, and woke all of St. Catherine’s College by singing a cat howl version of the national anthem. What do you do? I was so pooped, I haven’t had that much excitement in a long time!

Woof!