“But wait, there’s more!”
Winston presents THE GLAMORIZER
Very rarely, I utilize the government-provided retail facility that provides high-end goods at tax-free prices to which I am entitled by virtue of my job. Yesterday was one of those magical days, and magical it was. Dear reader, I will tell you why.
“In less than two minutes, we will be giving away an exciting advertising product at the black-and-red giveaway counter. Please make your way toward the flashing light, near the electronics and magazine sections, to take part in this exciting giveaway offer!”
We heard those words while perusing the kitchen gadgetry and knew that we must heed the call. Making our way with appropriate urgency to said booth, we stood around, warily eyeing the others who had also decided to listen to the disembodied female voice promising free swag. Soon enough, an animated young woman made her way purposefully to the booth, climbed up, and started rattling a large box of…something. Something free. Something we would soon have in our hot little hands.
Slowly, allowing the excitement to build, she pulled out…an oddly shaped black plastic knife. No, not an oddly shaped black plastic knife–a GLAMORIZER!
“Some people like to use these to scale fish, but what they are actually for is…GARNISHING!!!” she said enthusiastically, pulling out what looked like a normal melon but what was revealed to be a melon basket full of berries. Handing out glamorizers to all the adults in the audience, she then pulled out a few more tools–a spiral cutter, a paring knife, and a twenty-page book that teaches you to turn a humble cucumber into a fearsome shark that will float in a punch bowl. Setting those things aside, with a promise to tell use about how to get the full set later (because really, why a glamorizer if you don’t also have the spiral cutter, paring knife, and book that teaches you to turn a carrot, a green pepper, and a potato into a palm tree?), she turned to the reason we were all really there.
The MASTER CUT 2.
Not available on any store shelves, the Master Cut 2 is a knife. No–it’s more than just a knife. It’s a godsend. It’s not a hacksaw, but you can use it that way (it will, after all, cut the head of a hammer–I saw it). It cuts paper-thin slices of tomato, after you cut into the head of a hammer. You can drop it down a running food disposal and the company will send you a new one if it’s damaged. It has a spearing end so you can cut your turkey and serve it all with one hand, leaving the other free to write a sonnet or mop a floor. It’s been rated the best bread knife in the world. YOU WOULD BE CRAZY NOT TO HAVE THIS KNIFE!
“It costs $29.99 and we do not apologize for that price, because it comes with an unconditional lifetime guarantee. But, I can do this…I can spend $29.99 with you and give you a second MASTER CUT 2!”
At this point, a few of the crowd left, but most of us stayed, in what I believed was hope for more no-strings-attached free stuff. The pitch continued.
“If you buy the MASTER CUT 2 today, and remember it’s not on any store shelves, not only will you get a second MASTER CUT 2, both with lifetime guarantees, I’ll also give you the full garnishing kit…”
And, it turned out, four steak knives, and a chef’s knife. It was a classic “But wait, there’s more!” pitch–it was, in fact, a live infomercial. I found out why the people in the studio audience are always nodding–the pitchperson nods at you, and it’s an instinctual reaction to nod along. I found out that you really can cut into a hammer head with a triple-tempered surgical steel blade. I found out that most of the people in the audience weren’t waiting for more free stuff–by the end of the program, I would say she achieved about 75% sales. Not bad when most of the people came based on the promise of receiving what turned out to be a plastic garnishing tool that retails for “up to $7-8.”
We were a part of the 25% who walked away with just our glamorizers to show and a tale to tell–as Ben said, “I prefer my cooking utensils classic and French.” But I unconditionally guarantee to remember that knife and the experience for a lifetime.
I had that happen to me and I bought the knives. But, before you judge me, they are the best knives I have ever owned!
Did it happen to you at the same place, Chris? Also, you know you have a log-in user name and password for the site, right? You don’t have to wait for comment moderation or post anonymously!
I have to say, this was such a surreal experience. I felt like I was on a TV commercial- there were cameras, screens, and a laser light projector. And people got a little intense to get the free stuff! Somewhere in the middle- around the time Jaci described people taking off, I did feel the urge to escape. I wanted to stay mostly for the blogging potential, and I had to firmly resolve to myself that I WOULD NOT BUY ANYTHING! I have to say, without that firm resolve, I think I may have purchased the knives just because of how she swept up the crowd.
With my resolve in hand, I was able to resist, and actually because of that, I was truly surprised at how many people actually purchased the knife set. They got a lot for $30 bucks, sure, but the pitch was really effective!
Great blog! I found it while searching for reviews on my latest impulse buy. Alas, I succumbed to the sirens call of life-time-guarantee, never needs sharpened, surgical steel blades. ….the fact that they threw in the spiral potato peeler, or “organic slinky maker” as my demo lady said, didn’t hurt.
To be honest, I was planning on purchasing a few new knives this weekend, so I think this was a good deal. I would have spent much more on comparable knives at the specialty store. Besides, it’s kinda cool to be the only person I know with a set of knives that can saw frozen moose bones in half, then go on to slice paper thin tomatoes.
Ok, ya I got succored in and I bought them. They are still in the package waiting to either get into my kitchen or returned. I was looking for reviews on the product itself and have had no luck. Are they any good?
I found this blog from searching for reviews for the Master Cut 2. This exact same experience happened to me 30 minutes ago, exact down to the “and we do not apologize for this price”. Fortunately (unfortunately?) last night I was cursing at my $80 chef’s knife that seems incapable of ever becoming sharp again. So I’ll see tonight if I just blew $30 or not. But as Benjamin said, this does seem to be a lot for $30. And unlike the infomercials, at least I didn’t need to pay shipping and handling. That was the tipping point for me in deciding to walk away or not.
Amazing… I just got out of my Kroger Superstore 40 min ago, having listened to the same sermon, and now being another proud owner of the Glamorizer… it seems you have been there, too?
Did you record the whole thing, is your memory that good, or are you getting paid by the company? ;-P
Because you virtually quoted the whole session with that sales girl verbatim…
Like you, I refrained from purchasing the set. I have looked at the blades more carefully, and they seem to be very cheaply made. Made in China. On the other hand, Apple’s Macs are made in China, too…
I am not so sure what the distribution channel and POS is making off the final purchasing price, but my wild guess would be that for the $29.99 the actual production cost (including overhead) cannot be more than $10.
That is for 8 knives and the plastic glamor utensils…
But why is it then, that any singular professional chef knife really does cost $80 or more, if it wasn’t worth it?
I too purchased the set, but was also one of the few in the crowd to remember the Ginsu…my mother still owns hers…and it is still sharp…and I still cant get her to give it to me! LOL I was thrilled to stumble across this “live infomercial” as I have been needing a new set of knives, but dreaded the rigorous search just to find a halfway decent one. Glad to have purchased these and look forward to fighting with my kids to keep them!
Just bought the sales pitch,and I’m a sales person . It really was good. Plus I needed the knives just the night before I’d had a fight with a sweet potato. I wouldn’t have bought the knives if I hadn’t had this experiance so recently.
Dirk–Just a good memory. I used to quote conversations verbatim when I got in arguments with people, “but last week you said THESE EXACT WORDS,” but I find that tends to make people angrier…
I think I was actually more suspicious at the time than I needed to be because I found myself so swept up. They’re probably good knives. The knives I actually own are not. If I’d bought the MASTER CUT 2 two years ago, who knows where I might be today?
I wonder if the company is hiring, and whether they can teach mass hypnosis.
There are not reviews for these knives anywhere on the net. Since people here have bought them it would be great if you could do a follow up review to help out your fellow consumers.
I purchased a set from Kroger last night and I have not used the knives but they feel flimsy. Also, the sales person said they had a lifetime guarantee that was written “right on the blade”. My knife did not have this on the blade at all, maybe it said “Made in China” on the blade???. Makes me wonder if the demo knife and the knives I purchased were actually the same???
The other thing that makes me feel iffy is that right on the box it says the knives are guaranteed as long as the company stays in business. Seems like they plan to go out of business, or change to a different company, before I will be able to see if my lifetime guarantee pans out.
When I bought my lifetime guarantee brakes for my car there was no condition mentioned of the company going out of business. Only the understanding that a good company is selling me a good product and they stand by it.
I’m thinking about just returning them to Kroger.
I sell these knives, they are good knives. They are not the best in the world but for 30 bucks its a good deal.
Totally just went through the same experience. Even thought about recording the experience on my iPhone as it was quite like a live infomercial. I too received the free glamorizer and stuck around to hear the whole pitch. I have desperately needed some kitchen knives and after recently getting married, my wife and I didn’t receive any of the way too expensive knives we registered for. I figured these are worth a shot and while $30 isn’t no money at all, if they do turn out to be duds at least I’ll have a funny story to tell my friends how I was sucked into the pitch and bought the set. She really was a good salesperson, and who wouldn’t want to make a carrot and a green pepper into a palm tree with a shark cucumber.