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May 26th was Andy’s birthday. It was also the date that I had originally planned to leave Yunnan for Shanghai (so I could see Don), but as I was having such an awesome time, and as I really didn’t want to leave Andy on his birthday, and as we were no where near a major city from which to depart, I decided to stick around for a few more days (which I’m sure Andy really appreciated). His birthday dawned on yet another soggy, rainy, dreary day. We had set our alarms early to get a head start on the 120 km that was our goal for the day, but we  took a look at the messy weather, swore, and promptly went back to bed. The extra sleep was certainly welcomed as we had had an epic battle the night before: Man vs. Bug. It happened like this:

We had been sitting in our hotel room working on our laptops in peace for about half an hour. A sudden buzzing above our heads alerts us to the fact that a giant moth/beetle has snuck into the room. As it is a pretty large bug, I get up and pick up a metal tray with which to vanquish it. I do so successfully, and am about to sit down again when the buzzing sound again appears. ANOTHER moth/beetle has snuck into the room. I again grab the tray, only to look up and see TWO moths flying around. I quickly kill them both, but now another 4 are in the room. Then 8, then 10, then 12, then ayyyeeeee! It is a bug invasion! As I’m frantically trying to keep pace with the multiplying bugs we hear Evan run over, bang on the door requesting my Off. He too is having a sudden bug invasion. He also alerts us to the fact that they are getting in by crawling under the doorsill. I quickly grab a piece of clothing and stuff it under the door. They are also coming in under the bathroom door, and Andy braves the bugs in the bathroom to shut the bathroom window, which had been open. Now that we have cut off the point of entry, the massacre begins. With our mighty weapons of tea tray and towel, we vanquish the invaders, leaving insect carcasses littered across the room. No remorse here, I actually feel pretty good about the slaughter.

So in any case, after that epic night we all enjoy our extra hour of sleep. However, we do have to get on the road, rain or not. Luckily, the sky holds, and we proceed on our way in dryness. Not only that, but an hour into our ride, the sky miraculously clears, leaving bright blue sky, warm sunshine, and puffy white clouds. Clearly the heavens know it is Andy’s birthday. The miracles don’t stop there. At lunchtime, the heavens delivered yet another birthday gift. We stopped for lunch at a little hidden restaurant on the side of the road. The menu options were extremely limited, but the dining room was quiet, deliciously cool, clean, and with fake vines covering the ceiling to add a touch of ambiance. Not bad for a birthday lunch in the middle of nowhere. We are each given a cup of tea, and proceed to kick back and relax when a flash of movement and a “plop!” interrupts our conversation. Something has fallen from the vine-covered ceiling into Andy’s tea. I look in expecting to see a struggling moth or beetle (ala last night), and am shocked to discover a two-inch scorpion! Do my eyes deceive me? Andy peers in and confirms that yes indeed, it is a scorpion. Luckily, a dead scorpion. Whether it was sudden death that had caused the scorpion to fall, or if it had been dead for a while and finally succumbed to gravity we won’t know. Evan, in his Evan way, asks the waitress if there are many scorpions in the area, to which she replies that there are none. “None?” Evan probes. “If there are, you don’t see them,” replies the waitress. At this Evan tells her that a scorpion just fell from the ceiling into the tea, and jokes that he’ll sell it to her and asks if the restaurant can cook it. The waitress refuses to believe that the scorpion fell from the ceiling, and tells us that we are mistaken, and it probably was in the bag of tea. We insist that we had seen it and heard it, and she didn’t argue further, but you could tell she thought we were liars. As I sat through the rest of the lunch a bit paranoid that a live scorpion would fall on my head, I don’t blame her for not wanting to believe that there were scorpions around, and I think she was happier deluding herself into believing that it had come from somewhere else.

The rest of the day was a breeze for me (but not so much for the boys), and I pulled into our final destination for the day (and my final destination by moped, sadly) two hour ahead of the boys. I promptly went on a search for whiskey for Andy’s birthday, and ended up visiting every single grocery store in town (there were five). Alas, there was no whiskey, or any other western alcohol, to be found. Every time I went into a grocery store I asked if there was western alcohol and was told yes every time, only to be led to a pathetic selection of Chinese beer, baijiu, cheap Chinese red wine priced around three dollars a bottle, and Chinese brandy.

I gloomily wait for the boys, and report the situation. However, a third birthday miracle occurs. On our way to dinner, we pass by a club lounge clearly designed to give off the impression of elitism, and pop in to discover that they have a variety of western whiskeys on their menu! Turns out that they really only have one kind in stock, Johnny Walker Black, and really only one bottle available, but that’s all we need! We tell them to save the bottle for us, head out to dinner, and then return later with a bag of mint to celebrate with mint juleps.

Of course, things are never 100%. The waitress brings out their only bottle of Johnny Walker Black, which has already been opened and is missing a pour. The waitress tells us that only one drink has been poured, and announces that she will subtract the cost of one drink from the bottle price. Evan negotiates with her to knock even more off, since it really is quite ridiculous that she has brought us an opened bottle. She agrees, and we finally begin to celebrate Andy’s birth.

Evan whips up some super delicious mint juleps, and we spend the next two hours drinking and playing Celebrities (which is a timed guessing game that involves charades), getting sillier and sillier as the night goes on. When the bar closes at midnight, we move on looking for any other place that is open, and stumble upon a club blasting techno-pop. The bouncers outside are delighted to have foreigners, and let us go right on up with our outside beverages and all. As our eyes adjust to the strobing lights and smoky haze, we discover a dance floor full of mostly men. The only two females in the place (aside from myself) are club employees, hired to dance. It’s a little weird, but we don’t really care, and the three of us all get on the dance floor and start busting some moves. We don’t stay too long, but we’ve accomplished our goal of engaging in some celebratory shenanigans. Birthday accomplished.