That being the case, my first weekend there felt like a vacation. I completely forgot that I was in China, which was easy to do considering  the weather this week has also been abnormally spectacular: blue skies, puffy clouds, sunny, balmy…not your usual China fare.

My living in luxury weekend began Friday night. It was my new friend Michelle’s 25th birthday (my good friend Pete’s roommate), and she had an extravagant night planned. (Her father owns the biggest modeling agency in China. Needless to say, she is a very well-connected person when it comes to hotels, bars, clubs, fashion boutiques, and basically any high-end fashionable place). We first had dinner in a private room at the Tang Dynasty, a very fancy Hunanese restaurant in the Mirae Asset Building. The Westerners were outnumbered by the Chinese, so we were at their mercy when it came to ordering. Aside from a dish of pig tongue, all the dishes proved to be delectable. After that, we went across the street to another Ritz Carlton and headed up to the 58th floor to Flair Bar, which is touted as Shanghai’s highest outdoor restaurant and bar. Whether or not that is still true (there are certainly much higher buildings these days), the view is still undeniably spectacular. Overlooking the Huangpu River, the vantage point from our outdoor VIP seats (thanks to Michelle’s connections) offered us a breathtaking view of the Bund and iconic Pearl Tower. The air that night was crystal clear, a rare occurence in Shanghai, and the amount of detail and distance you could see was frankly a little trippy when you are used to having your vision obscured with a veil of haze. I felt like Plato’s caveman, emerging from the darkness of a fictitious reality to see the true form of reality in the light of day. Okay, maybe I’m being a bit too dramatic, but clean air is something that I’ve come to value more than any material object, and it can have such a dramatic impact on my mood and state of mind. But, back to the night itself, we had a wonderful time on the rooftop enjoying the view and drinking Moet (like I said, it was a luxurious night).

The next day was even better. Still balmy, sunny and blue, I invited Pete and another friend over to enjoy the sunshine by my new rooftop pool. We spent exactly 6 hours chilling by the pool, drinking mojitos, and swimming. Pete and I also enjoyed a cigar each, and then afterward had a Western dinner at Element Fresh. I confessed to Pete that I felt a little guilty having such an idle, conspicuous consumption day, and he said that most people work really hard all their lives to be able to have a life like this, and then either do not have the time or are too old to actually enjoy the fruits of their labours. Bottom line, he said, is to enjoy the good things in life when you actually have the chance to enjoy them. Guilt or not, it was a really fun time.

Sunday also proved to be above average. I met up with a friend and we went to the clothing market to have some clothese made. I wanted to fix a pair of pants and have a cashmere blend winter coat made (I haven’t had a new winter coat in a while, figured it would be cheaper to get one here). So we spent a couple hours there picking out fabrics and designs, and afterward went out for a very hygenically questionable Chinese lunch (It was a hole-in-the-wall place, and we half-expected to be incapacitated in a few hours, luckily that was not the case). We then headed back over to the Bund to a restaurant/bar called M on the Bund for an afternoon classical music concert. Every last Sunday of the month, M on the Bund hosts a music lovers performance. Tickets for students are only 10 kuai, so we couldn’t afford NOT to miss it. The programme consisted of two Haydn! opuses (Op. 77, “Lobkowitz” and Op. 76, “Fifths”), and was performed by a string quarter from the Shanghai Chamber Music. It was beautiful. I forgot how much I love classical music! After that, my friend and I decided to go back to the Portman pool. It was already evening, so we thought the hot tub jacuzzi would be a better place to hang out. Oddly enough, the Jacuzzi is not outdoors near the pool, but inside the ladies locker room, in a room next to the saunas. As we were both female, it didnt matter, but if you were ever trying to have a co-ed jacuzzi party, that wouldn’t work out too well. We ended up spending close to three hours hanging in the jacuzzi (and out, and partly in, when it got too hot), just chatting. We had the place mostly to ourselves (occasionally someone would walk in to use the sauna, unfortunately ruining our view by walking around butt-naked, as Chinese women are wont to do in a public locker room), but all in all, it felt like our own private jacuzzi.

In the words of many a rap artist, we were balling!

I don’t think I really understood what a monumental task it was when it was first assigned to me, and the details of my responsibilities would probably bore readers. To sum up, I was in charge of first designing the invitations (not just the concert invitations, but the other two July 2 events as well), designing the wording, creating the maps to go on the invitations, working with a graphics design vendor to get the invitations made and printed, distributing the invitations to different sections, collecting RSVP name lists from the various sections, monitoring and tracking the ever changing RSVP lists submitted by the different sections, organizing a ticket will-call, and answering the same questions over and over again about sections wanting more tickets. An 1800-person name list is a very difficult thing to manage. But, I did it, and the concert was great! We had a full house, Harry Connick Jr. -who I have to admit I did not know who he was at first- gave an excellent performance, even though I felt that Miss USA could have been more prepared and less cheesy in her MCing duties.

Harry Connick, Jr.

The opera concert the next day, featuring the magnificently diva-liscious Angela Brown, was also a fantastic event, and much less stressful for me. I basically only had two things to do in the weeks before, create a save the date attachment to be sent out in an email blast, and design the program (which I am very proud of). I was relieved of pick up duty on the day of the concert, so I thought that I would have no duties except to be present and on-call. Well, two hours before I was supposed to arrive at the venue, I get a call from my boss saying that we had no one to introduce Angela, and he asked  if I would mind giving a 1-2 minute bi-lingual introduction. I say no problem, and get to work drafting an introduction in Chinese and English. The rest of the afternoon I spent sitting in the the theater rehearsing my lines, and doing odd jobs. Nothing stressful, I am prepared. Finally, the moment of truth arrives, and I mount the stage to give my introduction. I begin my welcome enthusiastically, and dive into my well-prepared speech for a full 20 seconds before someone yells “We can’t hear you!” The microphone was on, but malfunctioning, and was not picking up my voice. Whoops! After banging the microphone a few times, it begins to work, and I complete my introduction, a little chagrined that the first half got lost due to malfunctioning tech. It happens. I then get to sit down and enjoy the show with no further duties. It is nice not to have responsibility!

Soprano Angela Brown

The next day, I finally get the day off. I have plans to go to a BBQ at a friend’s house. I decided that my contribution to actual Fourth of July will be to make apple pie from scratch. I end up making 3 apple pies. They were delicious. We ate them with ice cream, and even I had to pat myself on the back, especially considering the fact that I had rolled out my home-made pie crust with a water bottle (gotta make do with what you have!).

All in all, Fourth of July (or National Day weekend as I should say), was busy, but fun. And to top it off, since I worked extra over the weekend, I get comp time, which I am currently enjoying with a 3.5 day weekend as I write this! Good life.

We on the other hand, are very important, very connected government officials that are so very very important (did I mention how important we are?), and therefore were lucky enough (I mean were absolutely entitled to) skip the lines and go through the VIP entrance, often with our own private guide to explain the pavilion and show us around. There is a reciprocity agreement among employees of the different pavilions that those with work passes immediately get to skip the lines. Great for us, but something that really should not be abused, given the long lines most people must endure.

In any case, as our visit was work related, and not for our own private amusement, so I felt a little better about having an unfair entry advantage, and was even more pleased to be a VIP when we got free cake and wine at the German pavilion.

Germany was our first pavilion, and we were wowed by the interactive nature of all the displays. Rather than bore you with details, I’ll include links to pavilion reviews. ( Germany: http://www.expo2010-germany.com/en/fun/german-pavilion/about-balancity/) The Chinese loved the opportunity to take photos with various backgrounds at the Germany Pavilion, something that I think Japan failed miserably with its no photo rule (which everyone ignored anyway). I was disappointed with Japan, as I think they left out so much (where was the gaming, the nintendo, the geishas, the anime?), and their robots didn’t dance. (Japan: http://www.expo-japan.jp/en/exhibition/) The two robots on display included a nanny-bot that just waved, and another that came out for two minutes to play the violin, and then left the stage. I really wanted to see some dancing bots a la Beck’s music video. Also, their live performance was really strange. They claimed it was a traditional Noh performance (with a sequencein the beginning of them rolling around on stage in their futuristic personal cars, which was cool), but actually, it was kunqu, traditional Chinese opera! It wasn’t Japanese at all, as they were even singing in Chinese! All a bit disappointing. South Korea had a very cute video/live performance that was studded with famous Korean popstars and actors, which made more than a few Chinese girls squeal in delight. It was very cutesy, but memorable (Korea: http://en.expo2010.cn/c/en_gj_tpl_33.htm)  Saudi Arabia had the most stunning design of all. Shaped like a large boat with an oasis on top, Saudi Arabia boasts the largest IMAX presentation in the world. Visitors are guided in and step onto a moving platform, where they stand in place for the next twenty minutes as the moving walkway bridge  takes them through the 360 degree IMAX presentation which makes you feel like you have an omniscient view as you soar through a desert, over a crowded market, over an oil field, etc, all while you listen to ethereal music. (Saudi Arabia: http://en.expo2010.cn/c/en_gj_tpl_35.htm) It was very cool for the first ten minutes, and then you realize that you are just standing in place, and just watching a random video with random scenes to

random music. You don’t actually get any real understanding of Saudi Arabia, and the IMAX presentation is ALL there is, nothing else. In all, a bit disappointing, especially when your expectations were set so high.

But, these are just my criticisms. As a foreigner who actually has gotten to travel, the displays don’t do much for me. But for the average Chinese, these pavilions are a stunning eye-opener at what the rest of the world has to offer.

My fellow intern Brittany and I had fun doing Joan Rivers-style commentary on the various outfits worn by the Chinese celebrities. Chinese actresses must have some sort of rule that they all must wear copious amounts of glitter at any red carpet event. There were sparkles galore. I also think it is tacky for anyone to answer a cellphone while walking down a red carpet, which is what a few wives of foreign film directors did. Shame on them. Also interesting was the diverse levels of dressiness within the audience. The stars of course were decked out in their finest couture, but within the audience of us regular people, there was everything from evening wear, to cocktail dresses, to business casual, to jeans and t-shirts! If this were a Hollywood premier, those in jeans (unless they are super expensive designer jeans) would have been denied entrance. It was an odd juxtaposition.

Also interesting was the level of government involvement. Of course all culture-related activity in China is controlled by the Ministry of Culture, and hence government presence is unsurprising. Still, wouldn’t it be odd if at the Oscars the Mayor of LA made introductory remarks about how the film industry advances the United States’ development, progress, and international standing? And wouldn’t it be odd if protocol dictated that government bureaucrats give rambling speeches at the beginning, and be the ones to physically hand over the awards to the winners? I would think so.

Speaking of this last arrangement and its oddness, a hilarious moment did occur. The first person being honored that night was a French film-maker named Luc Besson. His name was announced, and he promptly mounted stage left just as a group of ballerinas came swirling in artistically and struck a pose with the award (a small statue) held aloft on stage right. Monsieur Besson, unsure of what to do, jokingly mimics the ballerinas’ movement and prances over to them on stage right with the intention of taking the still-held-aloft award. He reaches toward the ballerina to accept the award, but she doesn’t let go of it to let him take it. At that point, one of the government bureaucrats had been announced and was on stage left. Without a further glance at Mr. Besson, the ballerinas run past Besson and hand over the award to the government bureaucrat, leaving Besson standing on stage right. The Chinese emcees try to cover this awkward moment by complimenting Besson’s dancing prowess, and eventually the confused director makes it back to stage left to accept his award, which is handed to him by the bureaucrat. Way too complicated if you ask me, but it did make for some hilarity!

Next came a series of clips of all the films premiering this coming week. Some of them did look quite intriguing, including the Chinese film “Deep in the Clouds,” and the Iranian film “Pay Back” Perhaps more tickets will become available to check them out!

Unfortunately, the closing performance just devolved into weirdness. Showcasing performances from a “variety of cultures,” the audience was subjected to a bizarre series of two minute dances from Africa, Hungary, and India, and then closed with random foreigners lip-syncing to a Chinese song, including an African rapper that looked like he time-warped from the 1980s, and three other racially-indeterminate females (two were white, one was black, who knows who they were). It wouldn’t have been so terribly awful if it weren’t so obvious that they were lip-syncing. Ah well, it’s China! We left the theater happy that we got to see some celebrities, and an idea of some cool movies worth watching.

That being said, I now feel free to give you a general description of the past two weeks. My overall opinion of my internship so far has been extremely positive. I like the people, I am in a section that is right up my alley, and I have been able to use a lot of the skills I developed during my time with the Nederlanders. My primary job duties fall under the umbrella of event management, logistics, and hosting official visitors. One of my first assignments was to assist with a visit from Al Gore, who was visiting the Expo for green-tech related reasons. This was simply a “watch, follow, and learn” action for me, and it was very enlightening to see the process and detail that goes into planning a simple two hour visit. I think I spent five hours of my life in meetings, discussions, reviews, and revisions of the luncheon seating chart alone (and there were only 16 people dining!). Of course these things are very important, but I imagine that I would never want to apply for a job in the protocol office, as the planning is tedious, nitpicky, stressful, and really not at all that enjoyable from my perspective. But, it was fun to see Al Gore in person, and the staff was able to take a picture with him, and I did get a comprehensive look at behind-the-scenes life at the USA Pavilion. As learning experiences go, this one was a good experience, even though I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was fun or thrilling.

In addition to that visit, which required me to be at the Pavilion (and away from my office) for three days in a row, I -along with half of all consulate staff- are in def com planning mode for USA National Day at the World Expo. Every country at the expo has an assigned National Day, which usually coincides with each country’s respective Independence Day (or equivalent). USA National Day is July 2, and there will be several invitation-based events that day, along with off-site (i.e. not on expo grounds) activities and events throughout that entire weekend. Each event has been tasked to certain teams who are then responsible for organizing and executing it. Not only have I been assigned to work two events that weekend, but I have been given several mammoth tasks as well, including managing the 2500 person RSVP list for an evening concert, and conceptually designing and generating content for the invitations to the three invite-based events on the 2nd. Luckily, I did not have to physically design the invitations (we outsource that work to a vendor), but I did have to come up with the concept. I came up with three pretty good ideas, and have been in the room in which other people have said positive things about the designs, but to my chagrin, I don’t actually get the credit for it, which irks me greatly for some reason. I suppose I am used to being in the private sector where individual initiative and ideas are rewarded with praise as incentive for employees to continue to be creative and imaginative. Here, that is not the case. I think I got a half-hazard “nice work” buried in an email, but that has been overshadowed by critiques and criticisms of other things. In any case, it seems that the office management style is based on criticism and critique, rather than reward and praise, which I don’t think is good for creativity-based work, and certainly not good for me. I worry that I won’t be able to offer up my best work if I feel like my contributions are ignored or unappreciated, and where the only feedback is negative. Maybe I’ve only ever experienced one type of managing style, and am going through some office culture shock. Maybe competition for recognition and credit is something that is only necessary in the private sector, and not in the public sector, where it is not the basis for promotions/raises and the like. In any case, the situation requires some adaptation and understanding on my part, but for the past couple days I have been one disgruntled employee.

That negative aside, overall I am very pleased with the work I am doing. I feel that it is challenging and fun. Also, our housing is phenomenal. The interns were given two houses, one for the boys, one for the girls. There are only two girls, so the two of us are living in a three-story, four-bedroom town house with a full washer and dryer, a private backyard, and a jacuzzi tub in the master bedroom (which is mine by the way, since I came first). We also have an outdoor pool, clubhouse, and a gym. All in all, we are living it up. There are also other perks as well, including comp tickets to certain shows, and occasional gifts shared by the office. For example, PAS was given two crates full of California cherries, and everyone in the office got to take home a bag. It was wonderful! I love loving my work!

We had been sitting in our hotel room working on our laptops in peace for about half an hour. A sudden buzzing above our heads alerts us to the fact that a giant moth/beetle has snuck into the room. As it is a pretty large bug, I get up and pick up a metal tray with which to vanquish it. I do so successfully, and am about to sit down again when the buzzing sound again appears. ANOTHER moth/beetle has snuck into the room. I again grab the tray, only to look up and see TWO moths flying around. I quickly kill them both, but now another 4 are in the room. Then 8, then 10, then 12, then ayyyeeeee! It is a bug invasion! As I’m frantically trying to keep pace with the multiplying bugs we hear Evan run over, bang on the door requesting my Off. He too is having a sudden bug invasion. He also alerts us to the fact that they are getting in by crawling under the doorsill. I quickly grab a piece of clothing and stuff it under the door. They are also coming in under the bathroom door, and Andy braves the bugs in the bathroom to shut the bathroom window, which had been open. Now that we have cut off the point of entry, the massacre begins. With our mighty weapons of tea tray and towel, we vanquish the invaders, leaving insect carcasses littered across the room. No remorse here, I actually feel pretty good about the slaughter.

So in any case, after that epic night we all enjoy our extra hour of sleep. However, we do have to get on the road, rain or not. Luckily, the sky holds, and we proceed on our way in dryness. Not only that, but an hour into our ride, the sky miraculously clears, leaving bright blue sky, warm sunshine, and puffy white clouds. Clearly the heavens know it is Andy’s birthday. The miracles don’t stop there. At lunchtime, the heavens delivered yet another birthday gift. We stopped for lunch at a little hidden restaurant on the side of the road. The menu options were extremely limited, but the dining room was quiet, deliciously cool, clean, and with fake vines covering the ceiling to add a touch of ambiance. Not bad for a birthday lunch in the middle of nowhere. We are each given a cup of tea, and proceed to kick back and relax when a flash of movement and a “plop!” interrupts our conversation. Something has fallen from the vine-covered ceiling into Andy’s tea. I look in expecting to see a struggling moth or beetle (ala last night), and am shocked to discover a two-inch scorpion! Do my eyes deceive me? Andy peers in and confirms that yes indeed, it is a scorpion. Luckily, a dead scorpion. Whether it was sudden death that had caused the scorpion to fall, or if it had been dead for a while and finally succumbed to gravity we won’t know. Evan, in his Evan way, asks the waitress if there are many scorpions in the area, to which she replies that there are none. “None?” Evan probes. “If there are, you don’t see them,” replies the waitress. At this Evan tells her that a scorpion just fell from the ceiling into the tea, and jokes that he’ll sell it to her and asks if the restaurant can cook it. The waitress refuses to believe that the scorpion fell from the ceiling, and tells us that we are mistaken, and it probably was in the bag of tea. We insist that we had seen it and heard it, and she didn’t argue further, but you could tell she thought we were liars. As I sat through the rest of the lunch a bit paranoid that a live scorpion would fall on my head, I don’t blame her for not wanting to believe that there were scorpions around, and I think she was happier deluding herself into believing that it had come from somewhere else.

The rest of the day was a breeze for me (but not so much for the boys), and I pulled into our final destination for the day (and my final destination by moped, sadly) two hour ahead of the boys. I promptly went on a search for whiskey for Andy’s birthday, and ended up visiting every single grocery store in town (there were five). Alas, there was no whiskey, or any other western alcohol, to be found. Every time I went into a grocery store I asked if there was western alcohol and was told yes every time, only to be led to a pathetic selection of Chinese beer, baijiu, cheap Chinese red wine priced around three dollars a bottle, and Chinese brandy.

I gloomily wait for the boys, and report the situation. However, a third birthday miracle occurs. On our way to dinner, we pass by a club lounge clearly designed to give off the impression of elitism, and pop in to discover that they have a variety of western whiskeys on their menu! Turns out that they really only have one kind in stock, Johnny Walker Black, and really only one bottle available, but that’s all we need! We tell them to save the bottle for us, head out to dinner, and then return later with a bag of mint to celebrate with mint juleps.

Of course, things are never 100%. The waitress brings out their only bottle of Johnny Walker Black, which has already been opened and is missing a pour. The waitress tells us that only one drink has been poured, and announces that she will subtract the cost of one drink from the bottle price. Evan negotiates with her to knock even more off, since it really is quite ridiculous that she has brought us an opened bottle. She agrees, and we finally begin to celebrate Andy’s birth.

Evan whips up some super delicious mint juleps, and we spend the next two hours drinking and playing Celebrities (which is a timed guessing game that involves charades), getting sillier and sillier as the night goes on. When the bar closes at midnight, we move on looking for any other place that is open, and stumble upon a club blasting techno-pop. The bouncers outside are delighted to have foreigners, and let us go right on up with our outside beverages and all. As our eyes adjust to the strobing lights and smoky haze, we discover a dance floor full of mostly men. The only two females in the place (aside from myself) are club employees, hired to dance. It’s a little weird, but we don’t really care, and the three of us all get on the dance floor and start busting some moves. We don’t stay too long, but we’ve accomplished our goal of engaging in some celebratory shenanigans. Birthday accomplished.

It's the journey, not the destination or the distance that matters

Mountains, valleys, mist, mud, trees, cliffs, stones, bamboo, buffalo, clouds, flowers, air, rain, dirt, sunshine, bumps, honks, barking, croaking frogs, green, blue, brown. These are the main things that bombarded my sensory cortices as I traveled the mountain roads of Yunnan. Yet while on the motorbike, these things didn’t really register as nouns, or even concepts, but instead were processed by my brain as a series of emotions. Mountains and mist were processed as awe, wonder, and respect; trees, flowers, bamboo, and sunshine were felt in terms of joy, relaxation and sheer contentment; clouds and valleys were thrill and excitement; dirt, mud, bumps, honks and barking were annoyance, determination, and fortitude; cliffs, rain, darkness were terror, cold, and uncertainty.

Yet the emotions that triumphed were pride, fun, and happiness. I’m proud of myself for riding a motorcycle through bumpy country roads for two and half weeks with no accidents (aside from a burn). There were a few precarious cliffs with downhill, hairpin turns and no guardrail that could easily have sent any of us off a cliff-face, but that fortunately didn’t happen (Not to worry, I was well prepared mentally to handle that situation. I practiced in my head how I would jump off the motorbike and let it and my stuff go off the side of the mountain in the event of a slide out arounda turn. I would have been fine, just down a motorbike, two computers, my passport, and all my stuff. Hypothetically.) I had an amazing time with Andy after 9 months of separation, and went on a magnificent adventure. The scenery also was just breathtaking. I’ll post a few of Andy’s photos here, but you should check out his Flickr site to get the full effect. All in all, it was one of the most exciting vacations I’ve had in a long while. I’m very sad that I had to abandon my beloved motorbike in Yunxian. Hopefully somebody with a good heart will find it and give it a good home.

Gorgeous scenery (Andy's picture)

Exciting certainly doesn’t mean that the experience was a piece of cake, nor that it was all enjoyable. There were plenty of times where the ride was hard, terrifying, wet, and cold. The forty kilometers from Gengma to Mengsha was ridden entirely in a steady rain that left me soaked and chilled to the bone. I also felt a profound sense of unease whenever trying to get past a herd of water buffalo on the road. Although I know that those animals are docile to the core, and rather stupid to boot, they are massive, alien, and with rather unnervingly large horns. Trying to ride through a pack of them is unsettling as you feel that they could either kick you or gore you and that would be that. I feel much better trying to get around a herd of goats or cattle.

More beautiful scenery

Many have said that the journey is more important than the destination. In the case of this trip, it was totally true. The road itself was the adventure, the present was beauty, your fellow travelers your home. It was a good ride.

Sunburn was a constant threat. Here's how I protected my arms! I know I look goofy as all get out, but function is better than beauty!

Muddy roads. I almost got stuck one time when I was following Andy and he suddenly slowed. Note: Do not lose velocity when trying to get through mud. I had to frog push my way out.

Trying to wait out the rain

Now on to my next adventure of the summer: my internship at the Consulate.

Me at the monastery, in my Wa ethnic minority head scarf!

The second biggest religion in China -second to atheism, if that counts- is probably Buddhism. Throughout the small towns of Southwest China, there is usually at least one Buddhist temple in the vicinity, and it is not uncommon to see young men in bright saffron robes riding by on motorcycles, picking up a pack of cigs at the nearest xiaomaibu, or sitting around looking monk-like. As Evan wrote in his post “A Totally Tea Time with Tutu” (http://www.portraitofanlbx.com/2010/05/a-totally-tea-time-with-tutu/), in many areas (such as Bulang) all boys are required to be a monk for at least seven whole days of their lives, a concept similar to the period of mandatory military service for boys in places such as Korea and Israel. Interestingly, it is absolutely illegal for girls to become Buddhist nuns. I guess girls become dangerous to society when they become religious and get a bit more of an education. As we soon learned, “being a monk” is a rather relative concept. Ascetic the life is not, even though it is supposed to be according to Buddhist tradition and doctrine. In fact, much like everything else in China, the Buddhism practiced here is based on a doctrine (law) proclaimed in words but very rarely followed in practice. All the rules of Buddhism can be broken (just like law in China!), and they most certainly are (just like law in China!).

We learned this first hand when we decided to visit a temple fair in Gengma. It started at 8 in the morning, but as it was raining, and as we are pretty slow in getting moving in the morning, we didn’t show up until around 11 am. As we pulled up in front of the temple, we see three or four monks sitting outside the temple gate smoking. Thinking it a little odd for monks, we muse that it must not be against the rules.

We walk inside to find that the fair has ended, and all the monks are just sitting down to eat lunch. Our initial disappointment turns to interest when we are promptly invited to sit down and have lunch with the monks. Even though we had just had breakfast, we gratefully sit down at a table with the head honcho, the director of the Buddhist Association that is responsible for the temples and monks of six nearby counties.

We are immediately surprised when we see the food. 5 out of the 8 dishes were meat!!  In other parts of China I have known Buddhist monks to eat fish, but never meat. We ask about this strange phenomenon and are told that Dai Buddhism is different than  Tibetan or Chinese (or Indian) Buddhism. Apparently they follow the Theravada school of Buddhism, and thus can eat meat. That’s fine in itself, but 5 out of 8 dishes are meat? Considering that meat is so much more expensive than vegetables, these monks are actually living quite large. We’ve witnessed and have heard that monk life is actually a fairly easy life when compared to the lives of most villagers. Not only do monks get all their food prepared and given to them for free, they get good, expensive food that the villagers often don’t get on a daily basis.

Additionally, there seem to be very few sacrifices on the part of monks. We talked to the head monk, a bespectacled man named Tikka Dashi, who gave us an entire explanation of the life and death of Buddha, the role that the monks fulfill, and certain doctrinal guidelines. The monks, it seems, are not allowed to smoke, drink, or do anything that defiles their bodies. We immediately bring up the fact that we just saw five monks smoking outside. At this, Tikka Dashi sheepishly explains that even though the monks aren’t supposed to smoke or drink, etc, a lot of them do anyway, blatantly breaking

the rules with impunity. I guess rules are meant to be broken!

All in all, it seems that being a monk is a pretty desirable thing to be. There are only upsides, no down. You get free food, free lodging, you can smoke and drink, and leave and get married when you want. A monk’s main job, according to Tikka Dashi, is to disseminate information on the classics, read the sutras, and conduct certain spiritual rituals. Other monks that we met even engage in commerce, tending to tea trees and the like. In sum, not a bad life.

On an only slightly related religious note, the drunk Wa middle school teachers we met in Xuelin who toasted us all night were Christian. We discussed different religions with them, and they said that while not all Chinese believe in the same God, they all believe in the Party. What a load of communist crap. Kinda made me want to vomit a little in my mouth. Totally something a government worker (i.e teacher) would say.

On a side note, I am really tired today because last night I dreamed all night about running from and killing zombies. In an interesting twist, in my dream I could turn zombies back into regular people by spraying them in the face with this liquid solution, so I was running around with spray bottles in my hand, and at one point I was on top of a hill with a fire hose and making noises so all the zombies would run toward me and then I’d spray them with hose. Then, this morning Bethany tells me of the unfortunate behavior toward my kitty, who gets sprayed when he tries to enter my room by a guest. Was my dream some sort of weird premonition?

Turns out Ms. Zhong wasn’t that great of a conversationalist. Every time I asked her about anything, including Wa history, her daughter, her life, the area, neighboring Myanmar, she would either say she didn’t know much about it or that there wasn’t much to tell. She couldn’t even tell me about the traditional clothes and jewelry her grandmother was wearing (who came in after a while but couldn’t speak a word of Mandarin), and just told me that her outfit was traditional and that younger people didn’t wear it. She didn’t even know what material the thick, heavy, metal necklace the grandmother was wearing was made out of. However, she was very nice, and after a while the rest of the family came in. They didn’t seem surprised to see me, and didn’t ask me anything about myself other than my nationality. Ms. Zhong’s father, Mr. Xiao, as mentioned earlier, was the Vice Party Secretary, and he duly invited me (and Andy and Even by extension, who still weren’t there yet) to stay for dinner. Still not knowing whether there was a place to stay, I asked him, and all he said was that there was a place we could spend the night, but he did not elaborate whether that place was in his own home, in a hotel, in a random public building or where. I decided to leave it, as these things tend to figure themselves out on their own.

At around 8 pm, the boys finally arrived, sweaty and exhausted, and we immediately went up to the kitchen (a dark, dank place) to eat dinner with the family. The dinner, as usual, was delicious. We had fried eggs, pork and bitter melon, pea flour cubes (with the consistency of a rice noodle), wild lettuce, and a meat and vegetable soup. All were sublimely delicious (even more so given that it was my first meal of the day). Afterward, we went back and talked with the VP for a little while, and eventually he escorted us down to a hotel about 500 meters away, where we crashed for the night.